A Long-term Joy of Eating Disorder Recovery

*Trigger Warning- specific ED behaviors mentioned*

This week I did something that in another chapter of my story would have seemed impossible. I enjoyed (savored even) the multi-course food tasting my fiancé and I went to in preparation for our 2021 wedding. Historically this would have meant restricting all morning and doing some additional cardio in preparation, plus eating ridiculously small amounts of each dish- just enough to convince the chef I didn’t have a problem with his food, let alone have an eating disorder. The experience would have been dominated by anxiety and food-guilt as my anorexia robbed me of another precious moment. But today, recovery won.

If you relate to this struggle, a question you may ask yourself is this: “On my deathbed, will I look back on such major life milestones and be glad I did the “safe” thing by giving into my eating disorder, or more upset I didn’t give myself permission to deeply enjoy and be present in the moment?”

I acknowledge it may not feel this black and white (yet). Right now, this could look like making the pro-recovery choice and sitting through the anxiety and discomfort that come with it. Keep in mind, however, the more you do this, the easier it will become. Every small step you take to challenge your eating disorder is a step closer to recovery.

And remember all my “health conscious” worry warts (I say with utmost love and care): there is nothing “healthier” than recovering from your eating disorder.

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